Chronic People-Pleasing and OCD Treatment
Chronic people pleasing, a term that has entered into popular jargon (and thus been diluted), refers to a persistent pattern of behavior where an individual consistently prioritizes the needs and desires of others over their own, often at the expense of their own well-being and personal boundaries.
Chronic people pleasing is not considered a core symptom of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). However, both chronic people pleasing and OCD can be driven by a need for control. In chronic people pleasing, individuals often try to control or influence others' perceptions or reactions to maintain a sense of approval or avoid negative consequences. Individuals who chronically people please may experience anxiety related to the fear of rejection, disapproval, or not meeting others' expectations.
Perfectionism and high standards are common traits in both chronic people pleasing and OCD. People pleasers often set excessively high standards for themselves, striving for perfection to meet others' expectations. Similarly, individuals with OCD may have rigid standards or rituals driven by an intense desire for things to be "just right" or perfect.
People who engage in chronic people-pleasing have an excessive need for approval, fear rejection or disapproval, and go to great lengths to please others, even if it means sacrificing their own needs, values, or happiness.
Here are some key characteristics and implications of chronic people-pleasing:
Approval-Seeking Behavior: Individuals who chronically people please often seek validation and approval from others. They may feel a strong desire to be liked, valued, or accepted, and are driven by the fear of disappointing or upsetting others.
Difficulty Saying No: People pleasers often struggle to set boundaries and say no to requests or demands from others. They may fear confrontation, rejection, or the potential negative consequences of refusing others' requests, leading them to say yes even when it goes against their own desires or capacity.
Neglecting Personal Needs: Chronic people pleasers tend to prioritize the needs of others over their own. They may neglect their own self-care, emotional well-being, and personal goals in favor of meeting the expectations and demands of others.
Overextending Themselves: People pleasers frequently overextend themselves by taking on too many tasks, responsibilities, or commitments. They may feel compelled to go above and beyond to meet others' expectations, often leading to exhaustion, burnout, and feelings of being overwhelmed.
Resentment and Emotional Toll: Constantly putting others' needs first without regard for their own can lead to feelings of resentment, frustration, and emotional exhaustion. Chronic people pleasers may feel unappreciated or taken for granted, leading to a negative impact on their mental health and overall well-being.
Lack of Authenticity: Chronic people pleasers may struggle to express their true thoughts, feelings, and opinions, as they fear disagreement or disapproval. They may adapt their behavior, preferences, or values to fit the expectations of others, sacrificing their authenticity in the process.
Codependency: Chronic people-pleasing can be associated with codependent tendencies, where individuals excessively rely on others' approval or validation to maintain their self-worth. They may derive their sense of identity and value from meeting others' needs and struggle with self-validation.
Overcoming chronic people-pleasing often involves developing healthier boundaries, improving self-esteem, and learning assertiveness skills. Therapy, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) or dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), can help address underlying beliefs and patterns of behavior, fostering self-compassion, and promoting more balanced and authentic ways of relating to others.
If chronic people pleasing has caused you harm in your life, and is interfering in your mental health goals, please contact Kairos Wellness Collective today.
